Shameless Obituary

It’s rather weird the way different people deal with death, especially when they see it happen in front of them for the very first time. I guess how one reacts to it or deals with it, depends on various factors, such as:
Who just died- someone close, your pet, a stranger etc
Manner of death
Circumstances under which the death took place
Other incidents taking place in the life of the person who has just viewed the death.
Pre-set notions of what death is –ugly, peaceful, frightening etc.

How did this blog come about? Well, it’s just that my fish named ‘Shameless’ died yesterday, in front of my very own eyes and I could just sit there and cry, knowing that I couldn’t help in anyway. He was a good fish. I got him on Valentines Day, 2006 along with Nameless. Shameless spent his days bullying Nameless and zipping round the bowl. He was kind of short tempered at times and liked picking up fights with the plastic foliage around him in the bowl.

....................................................................................................

Shameless... I'll miss the little finny fella :( (Feb 14th to May 7th 2006)

I still don’t know what killed him. Was it over eating or did he just down something that may have inadvertently been floating in the water? Was I to blame? I take pretty good care of them. I regularly clean their bowl thoroughly, feed them, sometimes even play music for them (no heavy metal and bollywood numbers). Then WHY did Shameless die? I knew something was wrong when he didn’t eat Nameless’ grub in the morning. I knew something was REALLY wrong when he even let Nameless eat his bit of floating fish food. While I cleaned their bowl I watched Shameless lie listlessly at the bottom of their make-shift bowl. My heart ached to see the once-unstoppable fish, just lie there flapping his pectorals (refer diagram below).



1. Preoperculum, preopercle
2. Operculum (gill cover)
3. Nape
4. Breast
5. Lateral line
6. Caudal peduncle (region anterior to caudal fin)


I took pride in the fact that my fish were so healthy. It was the first time I had had fish and I was very careful about everything. Had I gotten over indulgent and fed them too much? Or was it just meant to be.

Nameless and Shameless - Happier times

There were hopeful moments throughout Sunday. When I transferred them back to their clean bowl Shameless tried to take Nameless’ trip for a while and they both ripped through the water dodging the shells and the plants. But I was sure something was terribly wrong by Sunday evening and I didn’t really know what to do. I prayed I was over reacting which is usually the case. There was a time when Nameless was acting funny and wasn’t eating. But within a few days he bounced right back and was actually attempting to kick Shameless’ a** {or should I say tail fin? maybe Caudal (refer diagram above)}

Well, the end came at around 9:30 P.M IST, Sunday, May 7th, 2006. I had just finished speaking to Drew when I noticed Shameless was lying on his side and twitching violently. I frantically dialed Drew’s number and to my surprise started crying. I felt so helpless. Shameless made one last dash to the surface and then slowly floated to the bottom. He twitched a little (according to Chandra it was a fishy sign of cardiac arrest) for one last time close to 9:40 P.M and lay very still after that. I still didn’t know what to do. Nameless swam around him twice and even nudged him a little. Call me crazy but it was pretty sad. I left the little fishy body in the bowl for quite awhile before taking it out in some insane hope that Shameless would decide to get up and start shimmying up and down the bowl, the way he always did when he saw me approach the bowl.

After watching Desperate Housewives, I took Shameless out of the bowl. I didn’t want to touch him for some crazy reason. Maybe I was scared. Of what? I don’t know. But I didn’t want to touch the little fella. I took him out using a card board piece. It was freaky when he floated a little as I lowered the cardboard into the water. For a moment I thought he had arisen from the dead.
I finally realized that this was it. He was gone, forever, hopefully to Fishy Paradise. I buried him in the garden and Mom put a little orchid on it. By now you must be screaming “It’s a bloody fish!” Actually it is defined as follows:

"If we allow room for these and other exceptions, we can define a fish as a poikilothermic*, aquatic chordate with appendages (when present) developed as fins, whose chief respiratory organs are gills and whose body is usually covered with scales." - Berra (2001)

Well, the point of this whole blog was to not only act as a obituary for my beloved fish but also just a way to get out of this weird depressing mood I am in. I know attempting to put a humourous spin to my fish’s obituary isn’t what the doctor prescribes for mood elevation but what the hell!

Gosh…now I get it! What I probably meant to say was that never be too attached to anything or anyone for that matter. You never know when that object or person (or pet fish) might fade away from your life.

The Buddha did not deny that there is happiness in life, but he pointed out it does not last forever.
Eventually everyone meets with some kind of suffering. He said: "There is happiness in life, happiness in friendship, happiness of a family, happiness in a healthy body and mind, ...but when one loses them, there is suffering." Dhammapada

Hmmm…I guess you’ve probably realized by now that it really isn’t only about the fish.

I can feel another blog coming up, regarding ‘attachment’.


*This refers to creatures whose internal temperatures vary, often matching the ambient temperature of the immediate environment (Greek: poikilos = "varied," therm = "heat ").(source – wikipedia)

Together...

Chased by a rhino

The fateful day was January 16th, 2006.

It had been two days since i had arrived in Assam. this was going to be one of my 'rejuvenation' holidays. THIS time i was determined to soak in all that Assam had to offer. the beautiful hills, the lush tea gardens, the Brahmaputra, the cool, fresh air and the cyrstal clear sunlight. this time i was determined to turn down the numerous lunch and dinner invitations (though i can't complain... Assamese people know how to treat a guest like royalty!). this time i was going to explore Assam like a tourist. i had eleven days and i was going to make the most of it. for eleven days i DID NOT have to stare at the computer screen and look at numbers. for eleven days i did not have to travel through Airport road traffic and take in the polluted Bangalore air...for eleven whole days i could explore my roots and learn more about the state which i am in love with though i have visited it only a few times.

the first and most obvious thing to do was to visit Kaziranga... i was twenty two years old and not once had i visited this world famous National Reserve. it was a shame! my uncle, Tarun Mama had taken a lot of trouble and booked rooms in a beautiful guesthouse a stone's throw away from the gates of the park. within half an hour of arriving at kaziranga my ever-cheerful and never tiring uncle proudly announced that he had gotten us to kaziranga just in time for the last safari of the day... i was more than happy to hop onto the safari jeep... experience had taught me that most of these safaris ended in disappointment and if you were REALLY lucky you might catch a glimpse of the wild animal's tail. but that didn't dampen my spirits... ANYTHING out here in the open was better than sitting in the AC environs of the office.

While i enthusiastically set the digital camera and sat in the jeep little did i know the adventure that was in store for me. little did i know that today was going to be the day which i could look back upon and safely say that it was one of the scariest yet most memorable days of my life.

The first one hour of the jeep safari at Kaziranga National Park was pretty uneventful. everyone in the jeep was cribbing about shelling out 500 rupees, when all one could see were a few specks the tour guide called 'rhinos' and a few deer and turtles.while we were bumping along the muddy path through the forest, the jeep in front of us screeched to a halt and we heard a loud bang! the forest guard in the jeep ahead had shot his blanks in the air. this is what they do to scare aproaching rhinos away. the jeep in front then proceeded not realizing the peril it had put our jeep in.

Our jeep just stood there for awhile and before i could realize what was happening a baby rhino ran out of the bushes, took a wide U-turn and ran back with his gigantic mother in hot pursuit. they both disappeared in the bramble in a matter of a few seconds. while i was complaining that i didn't have the camera on video mode and had missed recording the two rhinos the our driver was shifting to first gear to continue on the safari.

all of a sudden my cousin screamed that the mother rhino was now approaching towards our jeep. i told my cousin to stop over reacting, because i didn't see anything. but then i looked up from my camera and towards the direction in which her trembling finger was pointing i knew we were in grave danger. displacing the tall grasses and crashing through the branches of the dried up shrubs, a very angry mother rhino, followed by her baby charged towards our opened jeep. this was the first time i had seen a rhino and it was a little too close for comfort! the driver manoeuvred expertly in reverse gear for a good 30 seconds to avoid the rhino, who was hell bent upon toppling our jeep over. it didn't care for the blank shots the forest guard in our jeep was firing and managed to get hold of the weak plastic bumper in the front and rip it a part of it. thoug we managed to avoid it for quite a while, eventually our jeep's rear wheels got stuck in the shallow trench by the narrow mud path... that's when we were hit and for those two seconds i was sure i was going to die in a National Park in Assam.
* Babul, the clear hero of the day. Had he not driven the way he did...

Never had i dreamt i would get a taste of the rhino's awesome strenght first hand. never had i imagined that an animal so bulky could move so fast. never had i thoguht that an animal so peaceful was capable of such fierce rage. A rage that blinded it of the fact that we weren't there to harm it's child. it was the frist time i had seen an animal so angry that it's eyes had turned red. i couldn't believe i was actually close enough to a rhino to see it's teeth and to feel it's breath.

The forest guard in our jeep shot one blank right near the rhinos ear, just as it's teeth and horn was inches away from my uncle. it wasn't scared but it unexpectedly turned away. i'm guessing it was hurt while it hit our jeep the first time... while it was a little dis oriented the driver hit the gas and we sped away.for a few meters the scared and confused baby rhino ran in front of our jeep and we feared that the mother rhino will again chase us.we were all shouting and screaming hoping to get the baby rhino out of the way. it eventually turned and feld into the bushes.




* the damage done by the rhino. notice the tiny blood splatters.





this was one of the scariest moments in my life but in no way has it effected my love and respect for this majestic creature and that was the day i fell in love with Kaziranga as well. it is a haven for such wild animals. u can see it in their movement that in this place they feel protected and in control. it's like as if in Kaziranga, they fear nothing. Poaching was rampant in Kaziranga. But that has all changed to quite a great extent now. for now the wild buffalos, rhinos, deer and the elephants peacefully co exist in this vast grassland.

4 a.m and silence

sigh! sometimes i wonder where life's taking me. it's 4 am and i am writing a blog though i really have nothing to say right now. it's sooo quiet all around and my hand hurts from a whole day of sitting in front of the comp at work and then online at home...

should i feel guilty for losing my sleep and wasting my time? or should i believe that this is a lazy start to something colourful and fun... lets wait and watch...